It’s My Turn To Take Care of You

Winter break has concluded. Students and teachers survived the first week and are now close to finishing the second. The routine and flow of school has become familiar and real. Except, there’s someone missing.

“Well I’m going home. I’m not returning after break,” English teacher, Anna Alferi said.

Alferi left that Friday after seventh period exams and travelled to Carmel, Connecticut to take care of her brother, Tom Alferi. Who has been diagnosed with hepatosplenic t-cell lymphoma.

“He was diagnosed originally with three autoimmune deficiencies when he was 14, he’s 30 now. So, 16 years ago, and it was under control and about six months ago, he started getting infections and he was hospitalized a couple of times to deal with those infections. We thought that his autoimmune deficiencies were acting up, but it turns out once he was in the hospital for a long time where they found out they only way to relieve his symptoms were to remove his spleen because his spleen was enlarged,” Alferi said. “When they removed the spleen, it was 16 pounds, one of the largest spleens they had ever seen. So, that brought a lot of national attention when they started dissecting the spleen and running tests on it. And that’s when they found the lymphoma, they found a large lymphoma in the spleen and they did a bone marrow test and found the T cells in his bone marrow as well. Then they diagnosed as the hepatosplenic t-cell lymphoma.”

Alferi describes initial her response to the discovery of this rare and aggressive cancer as fearful. Fearful of how her brother would react.

“I know tons of people who have been diagnosed with cancer and I’ve lost people to cancer. I lost my grandmother to leukemia, but what killed me is how young he was and I know my brother so well so I knew exactly what he would think and I was afraid at first. I was afraid he would give up. Like he just went through surgery he’s gonna give up,” Alferi said.

Though phone calls keep the Alferi siblings in contact, she has also travelled to her brother’s home in Connecticut to provide the extra support and care he needs.

“It was so hard so after that I’ve talked to him. I’ve gone home three times now so I think the going back and forth has helped because I can see him, touch him, know he’s alive and loved because over the phone it doesn’t work especially for someone who is sick, so everyday they get asked how they feel so their immediate response is ‘Oh I’m okay’,” Alferi said.

Alferi and her brother have always shared a close bond. Her parents divorced at a young age and in need of a consistent parental figure, Alferi found that in her brother, Tom.

“Growing up my parents didn’t have the best of relationships, they got divorced when I was really young. So, my brother he is eight years older than me he really took care of me and was like a dad figure to me growing up,” Alferi said. “My parents were kind of absent here and there and he really took on a lot of responsibilities from paying bills to teaching me how to play sports, like everything. So, we’ve always been really close just because kind of we had to be and the situation we were in.”

As to repay the kindness and selfless devotion her brother showed from an early age, Alferi is leaving her ties to Florida, to Plant, to her students and to her peers to uplift and help the brother, who filled the role of as her father, supporter, teacher and friend, as he faces cancer, the battle of a lifetime.

“Certain people who are that sick need a certain type of energy around them and I feel like that I can bring that energy for him,” Alferi said.

Being able to be her brother’s foundation and positivity is something she has already been prepared for; the skills she has obtained from being a teacher has trained her to compartmentalize her life, allowing her to be the encouraging and uplifting motivator Tom Alferi will require as he copes with his disease.

“We, teachers, become so adaptable to those types of situations like we have our own lives going on and we go teach and act like everything’s fine all the time… I really think it’s about like compartmentalizing your life. I’ve always been a good balancer between taking care of myself and taking care of other people when I was younger in high school,” Alferi said. “I think balance is definitely how you get through it so I can be with him for three days in a row but then I take a day for myself to you know go to the gym and get something really good to eat, hang out with a friend that makes me feel good I mean so it’s definitely making sure you are happy and strong first and that allows you to do so much for others.”

However, Alferi is not only taking on the mission as her brother’s supporter, but aiding him financially as well through GoFundMe.com; a website that allows people to make donations towards personal fundraisers.

“The GoFundMe was started right when he was diagnosed to raise funds for his medical bills because even before he was diagnosed he was in and out of the hospital, he had five hospitalizations since January before he was diagnosed… he has paid so much out of pocket for insurance that you hit a certain point and you don’t have to pay for prescriptions anymore, like that’s how much money he’s spent on prescriptions, but a lot of time that goes on credit cards because of initially the prescriptions were a lot of money for the type of medicine he needs,” Alferi said.

Seeing GoFundMe.com as a way to alleviate some of the financial hardships, Alferi is utilizing this fundraising website to get her brother the treatment he needs. Even if it requires a sisterly push.

“He just doesn’t want help so it takes me and his wife and my mom to be like ‘No we’re asking for help now, like this is when you ask for help when you’re fighting to survive that’s when you ask for help Tommy’, because you know he’s been sick since he was fourteen and he’s never asked for help before and now that he has cancer too I think that he’s kinda realizing that he can ask for help, which is good,” Alferi said.

Though Alferi’s future promises to be demanding, she’s still maintains her focus on her students and preparing them academically for when she leaves.

“So, what’s kept me going: preparing [students] for exams, helping them, giving them my tidbits of advice I wanted to give them second semester but I’m doing it all now. That’s been really helpful because my lesson plans are packed and I’m doing a lot with them, we’re reviewing as if we’re gonna take the AP exam tomorrow,” Alferi said.

And Alferi isn’t just making sure to satisfy her academic duties as best as she can before she leaves, she is also making sure to experience and live every inch of student-life before winter break snatches it away.

“Also, what’s kept me going is just doing things. I’ve gone to football games, I’ve participated in all the faculty stuff, this Lowry park zoo thing we’re going to that. I’ve just been so busy, I keep my schedule packed soaking up everything,” Alferi said. “I walk by the office just to say ‘Hi’ because I’m gonna miss seeing them every morning and just spending time with faculty members outside of school, not just in school.”

But now winter break has concluded and Alferi will not be coming back. But this hasn’t diminished the imprint Alferi’s teaching and presence has left.

“Honestly, I miss her. She was very optimistic, enthusiastic and was always on top of her game. She loved her students, she loved her work and she really loved teaching at Plant,” English teacher and coworker Shay Cowart said.

Alferi not only impacted her peers, but her students and Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) board members as well.

Junior, Grace Summers reflects on Alferi’s impact as teacher.

“I’m sad because she taught me how to write a lot more than my past teachers had and you could tell she put a lot of effort into teaching her students,” Summers said.

Delaney Turton, SADD president, naturally built a bond with Alferi as her club sponsor. A bond that will be missed as Alferi travels to Connecticut.

“I’ve worked closely with Ms. Alferi for the past two years and she’s always been more than a club sponsor, but a mentor and a friend. Hearing of her departure, I couldn’t help but to be immensely selfish and beg her to stay, as I know the SADD club will not function the same without her. Although we are trying our best,” Turton said. “Ms. Alferi’s choice to move back home to be with family during hard times is anything but selfish, and an act that we all admire. While I miss our late-night emails stressing about our club meetings the next day, or my midday vent sessions over the stresses of high school, I know that she will touch many hearts wherever she goes, she most certainly did here.”

Although Alferi knows it is necessary that she leaves, she still yearns for one last school memory.

“I’m just gonna miss the students and the friends that I’ve made here with faculty and students that have become like my family. I had my board dinner with SADD, it was sad. But I just feel like in such a short amount of time you can really become a part of something so I’m really gonna miss being here and just being around you guys that’s really what’s awesome. I love this school,” Alferi said.

UPDATE: Tom Alferi passed away January 13.
 

Contributions made by Zoie Ashmeade