My first love was my best friend of two years

But felt like forever instead.

She’d water my roots and we grew close within moments

Our stems intertwined and our colors were brighter together

She was my sunlight and I her summer breeze

I tried to always keep her warm even at the expense of my leaves.

She was also my first heartbreak.

My feelings never slipped past my lips to anyone but one,

Only left to shiver in my heart like saplings in the wind

Never did I tell her knowing it’d only hurt her

So instead I kept quiet and swallowed up my color, my petals

That’s not the heartbreak.

This girl I called bee who lived up to the name-

Sweet as honey and always with me

The girl who would never leave

The girl who I fell in love with but never dated

Never tried to do anything knowing she didn’t feel the same

And I only ever wanted to spare her the desert spreading in my mind

She was my first heartbreak because when the flowers grew scarce

She flew away

She left me alone in an effort to grow while I withered

I had lost my best friend and my love in the same gust

My leaves are still weak from her absence though she returned

Bee, sweet as honey,

Girl who left me

I don’t love her like I used to anymore.

We don’t laugh like we used to anymore.

I can’t smile like I used to anymore.

Who poisoned this pollen? Who wilted my leaves?

Who broke my stem and left me aching to breathe?

Bee?

No. Insecurity.