Have you ever packed a snack of baby carrots, then pull them out in a hungry frenzy only to realize you made the fatal mistake of forgetting ranch, or hummus, so then you’re just stuck eating carrots on their own?

Which are fine, of course. And healthy, I’m sure. But they’re just plain carrots. And with every sad, self-pitying crunch all you can think of is how much better they would be with a dipping sauce or on top of a salad with dressing or pretty much anything else besides plain.

The newly released film, “Thoroughbreds,” is a plain baby carrot: fine, bland at best, but with so much potential! I can’t help lamenting the lack of oomph, of substantial meaning or substance, as I sat in front of the big screen and now, as I pen this review.

The film tells the story of two girls: self-proclaimed emotionless psychopath Amanda and privileged expellee with emotional issues Lily, living in inordinate Connecticut wealth as they bond over a mutual hatred of Lily’s stepfather.

The director paints a cold world of statuesque marble wealth, carefully manicured gardens and pristine boredom. Eerily quiet, the film builds tension with the silent, stilted conversations of the leads, and a soundtrack of freaky animalistic thumping during especially risky moments.

Unfortunately, the world presented in “Thoroughbreds” is so completely out of touch with the average viewer’s that the film loses its grounding in reality, floating about as a homicidal daydream borne of wealthy teenage repression. With a sluggish pace and lackluster plot, the film consisted of two lines of dialogue and an hour of wide shots of the homes of rich white people.

I’ll proclaim a self-admitted lack of empathy for the uberwealthy, but even from an unbiased standpoint, every character in this film was so god awfully unlikeable and hard to understand that watching it was a trial in self-control and boredom.

Perhaps this was a purposeful decision on the part of the director, but I can’t help but note the danger in not giving the audience anyone to root for. These people are not worth spending an hour and a half with.

The movie twists audience favor slightly towards Amanda, who despite her complete lack of emotions or care for others, is the most decent character in the movie for her straightforward declarations and self-awareness. She isn’t driven by passion to murder, but by a warped, cold blooded sense of loyalty.

For instance, murdering her beloved horse after it broke its leg and could serve its purpose no longer. She initiates the plot by suggesting to Lily in a similarly unfeeling way to murder her stepfather, since he couldn’t serve his purpose of taking care of Lily.

However, it soon becomes clear that Amanda, for all her callousness, is not a true killer. Lily’s selfishness and irrational anger towards her stepfather is what molds her into a dedicated murderer, who continues to plot against her stepfather despite all setbacks, growing more and more desperate as the plot wears on.

The thing is, her stepfather is not worth killing, no true enemy. For all his rude behavior towards Lily (somewhat deservedly, considering her active murder plot) and at times, her soft-spoken mother, he is not truly evil or even that dislikable.

In fact, when he scolds Lily for her lack of knowledge about the world and her privileged sense of entitlement, it’s hard not to root for him as the singular voice opposing a snotty nosed brat’s demands.

How are we supposed to empathize or relate to Lily when her homicidal tendencies are driven to frenzy after her stepfather sends her to a different, similarly esteemed boarding school? Especially after learning Lily was expelled from her original school deservedly, because of plagiarism.

I can’t help being disgusted by a character who is completely incognizant; who expects to be (and is!) painted as the victim despite her active manipulation of every character in the film, and ultimate psychotic break.

Are we supposed to feel for her, or hate her? Lily is no true antagonist either. Her character flip-flops between personality traits before settling on something unsatisfyingly bland – a rare feat for a murderer.

The ending of the movie only solidifies this middling sort of disappointment, the thought that such characters could’ve been better used if they were given true justice at the finale, or even if their ultimate fates were left ambiguous.

By allowing an ending where Lily’s half-baked scheme of drugging Amanda and framing her for the crime is, against all reason, successful (I guess cops in Connecticut don’t do their jobs?), and with Amanda living out her days in a mental institution and Lily on the way to an assumedly prestigious university interview, the finale leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

“Thoroughbreds” appeals to a sole audience of 30 (at maximum) old money, boarding school brats. It should be selectively screened in Connecticut, with a silver spoon required with the ticket at the door.